10 Things You Don’t Know About Me…
1. I’m a huge Lauryn Hill fan. I love the way she looks, her music and that amazing voice. My love for Neo Soul started from listening to Lauryn Hill. I also have dreads because I loved her hair, it was so beautiful…so clean!! And I also started dreads because I was so over burning my scalp so I can have long hair and please Mrs Webber in high school who hated my dreadlocks.
2. I love, love, love cheese!!!!!!!!!!!!! I add cheese to anything I eat, except my cereal. I get into a restaurant and all that would attract me on the menu is anything with Feta, Mozzarella, Blue cheese, Brine, Camembert, Halloumi…anything cheesy goes!!
3. I’ve been on TV a couple of times…My 60 minutes of fame…he he he!! I’ve been on SABC news talking Inflation and how it affects students. Been on Somizi’s Intimate Connections-lol-just got picked up from the street while walking home with friends from Uni and got offered money to be an extra, and we jumped at the opportunity and we actually appeared on the screen quite a lot-lol!! While partying at the Vodacom New Years Eve Party I got a whole lot of calls, BBMs, FB messages, Whatsapps telling me that I keep appearing on their TV screens dancing my life away.
4. I love travelling, I sometimes wish I was those fortunate kids that had super rich parents that gave them money to just travel. I would be in Switzerland right now skiing.
5. If I had to switch careers today and be automatically qualified for something I love, I’d be a Surgeon…a Neurosurgeon. I used to operate on dead rats my dad killed in the yard when I was still a little girl to see their insides and if they had the same organs we had… curiosity.
6. My love for singing… I wish I could sing, just like Whitney, Mariah or Miss Hill. I always have my remote in my hands, music channel on and I’m singing away… I worry all the time about what my parents and siblings on the other side of my house think about my terrible singing, especially when it gets to the high pitches. I sound like Sarah…the girl that was on Idols. Okay no, I don’t think I’m that bad.
7. I hate coffee, the smell, the taste…I’m already nauseous from just thinking about it. The last time I tasted coffee in my mouth was 2009, starting a new job, hungover and then the boss says please get Miss Vilakazi coffee. I could have died and thought it would be rude to say no, so I died a little while having it and I could feel it wanted to come out just as I took my last sip.
8. Dancing ne…tltltltltltltl…something I can’t do but I absolutely love and enjoy. Beyonce dvd on and Noks on the dance floor equals a perfect combination. Sweating away and no rhythm, a total joke. It really hurts to love something and know ukuthi eish uqinile and you can’t change that. Phela I would be a professional dancer.
9. I’ve pinched a male teachers bum in high school, Mr Townsend…most embarrassing moment!!!! I must say he was cute and young, the ideal white boyfriend for most of the ladies at school. But hey I wasn’t even aware it was him, thought it was another student, he was dressed in an outfit that looked like our school uniform-black pants, white shirt and tie, and I was behind him. Playing a prank on Vuyo who was right in front of him, I pinched that ass and he turned, and I was like “Oooooooooooops…”
10. Cornflakes and Inkomazi…HEAVEN!!!!! You should try it.
Okay now that I’ve entertained you with my Chappies Did You Know, get back to work.
I’m a Beyonce fan but I really don’t know what she was thinking recording this. But knowing people, this will be one huge hit… Personally I don’t like it. Read the lyrics and watch the video… I’m not feeling it!!!
I’m at that H town, coming, coming down, I’m coming down
Get it on the ground
H-H town-town, I’m coming down, coming down
Get it on the ground
I know when you were little girls
You dreamt of being in my world
Don’t forget it, don’t forget it
Respect that, bow down, b-tches
I took some time to live my life
But don’t think I’m just his little wife
Don’t get it twisted, get it twisted
This my sh-t, bow down b-tches
Bow down, b-tches
Bow-bow down, b-tches
Bow down, b-tches
Bow-bow down, b-tches
H-town b-tches, H-H-town b-tches
I’m so crowned, bow, bow down b-tches
Im at that H town, coming, coming down, im coming down
Get it on the ground
I Miss you…
I thought that things like this get better with time
But I still need you, why is that?
You’re the only image in my mind
So I still see you… around
I miss you like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you’re away
Said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same?
Words don’t ever seem to come out right
But I still mean them, why is that?
It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel
But I still need to, why is that?
I miss you like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you’re away
I said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same?
It don’t matter who you are
It is so simple, a feeling
But it’s everything
No matter who you love
It is so simple, a feeling
But it’s everything
I miss you like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you’re away
I said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same?
It don’t matter who you are
It is so simple, a feeling
But it’s everything
No matter who you love
It is so simple, a feeling
But it’s everything
But I still need you, why is that?
You’re the only image in my mind
So I still see you… around
I miss you like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you’re away
Said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same?
Words don’t ever seem to come out right
But I still mean them, why is that?
It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel
But I still need to, why is that?
I miss you like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you’re away
I said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same?
It don’t matter who you are
It is so simple, a feeling
But it’s everything
No matter who you love
It is so simple, a feeling
But it’s everything
I miss you like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you’re away
I said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same?
It don’t matter who you are
It is so simple, a feeling
But it’s everything
No matter who you love
It is so simple, a feeling
But it’s everything
A BLUES FOR NINA…FROM LOVES JONES
Say baby, can I be your slave
I’ve got to admit girl, you’re the **** girl
And I’m diggin’ you like a grave
Now do they call you daughter to the spinnin post, or
Or maybe Queen of 2,000 moons
Sister to the distant, yet risin’ star
Is your name Yimmy-Ya
Oh hell nah, it’s got to be Oshun
Ooo, is that a smile me put on your face child
Wide as a field of Jasmine and Glover
Talk that talk honey, walk that walk money
Hound legs that’ll spank Jehovah
****, who am I?
It’s not important
But they call me Brother to the Night
And right now
I’m the blues in your left thigh
Tryin to become the funk in your right
Who am I?
I’ll be whoever you say
But right now, I’m the sight raped hunter
Blindly pursuing you as my prey
And I just wanna give you injections, of sublime erections
And get you to dance to my rhythm
Make you dream archaetypes, of black angels in flight
Upon wings, of distorted, contorted, metaphoric jism
Come on slim
**** yo’ man, I ain’t worried about him
It’s you who I wanna step to my scene
Cause rather than deal with the fallacy
Of this dry *** reality
I rather dance and romance your sweet ***, in a wet dream
Who am I?
Well they all call me Brother to the Night
And right now, I’m the blues in your left thigh
Trying to become the funk in your right
Is that alright
How crazy is this???
Shocked……Written by Makhwapheni (Nyatsi)
Well. Firstly I don’t want this to seem like I don’t respect the boundaries of marriage, but as a nyatsi, this is my point of view….
Ladies, we don’t intentionally go hunting for ur husbands, we meet them like you meet people everyday, through friends,
at the supermarket, at work functions hell even on the side of the road.
We don’t always know from…
Well. Firstly I don’t want this to seem like I don’t respect the boundaries of marriage, but as a nyatsi, this is my point of view….
Ladies, we don’t intentionally go hunting for ur husbands, we meet them like you meet people everyday, through friends,
at the supermarket, at work functions hell even on the side of the road.
We don’t always know from…
the get go the man is married because a lot of these brothers don’t wear rings
or come with a stamp saying “taken”. Half the time he’s alone, there’s no trace of you, even in his car!
It takes a well trained eye to spot traces of another woman, e.g seatbelt perfume, weave strands, hair oil on the headrest, etc,
My job in your relationship is to give him a break from reality, yes you and the kids are real but so are the bills and school
fees and work stress, I’m where he de-stresses. I know my place trust me I do, I know to keep quiet when you call while we together,
I know not to spend on his credit card but to ask for cash, all this is to protect you, yes you, from pain,
humiliation and suffering, I get a tired frustrated man and send you a well rested happy man,
thank me don’t disrespect me for it!
Calling me won’t change the fact that my clothes are expensive and my car is paid off, it won’t change the fact
that my university fees are paid and I get to go to the weekend conferences or boy’s nites out,
swearing at me won’t change the fact that he grips my headboard when he rocks my world and screams like a girl,
something u probably don’t even know about the man u married.
U don’t know the effort we put behind our little rendezvous jus to keep ur pudgy ass happy, and feeling secure.
Trust me the more u come after me the more he wants me, the more money he spends on me, the more intense our sessions get.
A true nyatsi will never ask him to leave u, instead she encourages him to stay with you even if you have messed up badly.
We never consider getting pregnant out of fear of having to deal with your sour face for the rest of our lives.
So relax, your kids are priority numero uno, even to us, we pick out the toys and clothes he shows up with, we encourage bonding time.
Consider yourself lucky if u find my number, at least u know he’s taken care of when u tired, and he’s gonna come
right back once we done re-furbishing my apartment.
Oh and trust me, I do the fighting for us, its my job to make sure
its just us two, any others will be dealt with severely by me, so don’t
ruin ur manicure, I get a weekly one so its okay, let me do it.
I respect you, hence I stay away from family functions and make sure I take all my stuff out of the car when I was there,
I don’t call after he’s left the office because I know its your turn.
I have my own things, the rest is just a bonus for having a kind and sharing attitude, I’m a professional with a great job
and earn enough, I don’t have time to tend to a fulltime relationship hence I don’t mind when he goes home to you.
My advice to you “mama’se khaya” stay in your home, and don’t pack your stuff and go tell your mom
how u failed at being a wife, it just makes u look stupid and weak and our man needs strong women around him.
Look after your kids, tend to your home, cook those hearty meals you so famous for, I can’t cook with these nails.
Don’t ask about me, he’s just going to lie and toss and turn in bed thinking about me in my victoria secret set
he bought me for valentines day. Let me be, I will leave on my own accord one day.
If u don’t we might jus trade places and you going to be saying “izinto zabantu” or I consult sangomas,
I don’t, I would rather spend that money on expensive holidays with our man.
Truth is, I make him feel good, I’m a reminder of when he was young and I do all the things you are afraid to do,
or just won’t do because you believe you are past that, I’m forever young and I compliment him,
u suit him, trust me honey there is a huge difference.
I respect marriage and all it stands for, that’s why I’m doing my part to help yours stay together,
so don’t think I don’t, I respect the nice thing you have done and I love your kids too much to hurt them.
Don’t cry over me, or what we do, let it be, play your part and I will do what I’m supposed to do.
Yours (and your mans)
Nyatsi
or come with a stamp saying “taken”. Half the time he’s alone, there’s no trace of you, even in his car!
It takes a well trained eye to spot traces of another woman, e.g seatbelt perfume, weave strands, hair oil on the headrest, etc,
My job in your relationship is to give him a break from reality, yes you and the kids are real but so are the bills and school
fees and work stress, I’m where he de-stresses. I know my place trust me I do, I know to keep quiet when you call while we together,
I know not to spend on his credit card but to ask for cash, all this is to protect you, yes you, from pain,
humiliation and suffering, I get a tired frustrated man and send you a well rested happy man,
thank me don’t disrespect me for it!
Calling me won’t change the fact that my clothes are expensive and my car is paid off, it won’t change the fact
that my university fees are paid and I get to go to the weekend conferences or boy’s nites out,
swearing at me won’t change the fact that he grips my headboard when he rocks my world and screams like a girl,
something u probably don’t even know about the man u married.
U don’t know the effort we put behind our little rendezvous jus to keep ur pudgy ass happy, and feeling secure.
Trust me the more u come after me the more he wants me, the more money he spends on me, the more intense our sessions get.
A true nyatsi will never ask him to leave u, instead she encourages him to stay with you even if you have messed up badly.
We never consider getting pregnant out of fear of having to deal with your sour face for the rest of our lives.
So relax, your kids are priority numero uno, even to us, we pick out the toys and clothes he shows up with, we encourage bonding time.
Consider yourself lucky if u find my number, at least u know he’s taken care of when u tired, and he’s gonna come
right back once we done re-furbishing my apartment.
Oh and trust me, I do the fighting for us, its my job to make sure
its just us two, any others will be dealt with severely by me, so don’t
ruin ur manicure, I get a weekly one so its okay, let me do it.
I respect you, hence I stay away from family functions and make sure I take all my stuff out of the car when I was there,
I don’t call after he’s left the office because I know its your turn.
I have my own things, the rest is just a bonus for having a kind and sharing attitude, I’m a professional with a great job
and earn enough, I don’t have time to tend to a fulltime relationship hence I don’t mind when he goes home to you.
My advice to you “mama’se khaya” stay in your home, and don’t pack your stuff and go tell your mom
how u failed at being a wife, it just makes u look stupid and weak and our man needs strong women around him.
Look after your kids, tend to your home, cook those hearty meals you so famous for, I can’t cook with these nails.
Don’t ask about me, he’s just going to lie and toss and turn in bed thinking about me in my victoria secret set
he bought me for valentines day. Let me be, I will leave on my own accord one day.
If u don’t we might jus trade places and you going to be saying “izinto zabantu” or I consult sangomas,
I don’t, I would rather spend that money on expensive holidays with our man.
Truth is, I make him feel good, I’m a reminder of when he was young and I do all the things you are afraid to do,
or just won’t do because you believe you are past that, I’m forever young and I compliment him,
u suit him, trust me honey there is a huge difference.
I respect marriage and all it stands for, that’s why I’m doing my part to help yours stay together,
so don’t think I don’t, I respect the nice thing you have done and I love your kids too much to hurt them.
Don’t cry over me, or what we do, let it be, play your part and I will do what I’m supposed to do.
Yours (and your mans)
Nyatsi
